When someone asks you to do something that you don’t have time for, do you say “Yes” because you’re afraid of disappointing them?
Most of us want to be liked; it’s human nature. Some of us were taught to put other people’s needs above our own. Many of us grew up not knowing that we had needs – and part of our growing up was learning that we had needs and that it was OK to try to get them met, even if that disappoints other people.
So if you’re concerned about that, what would happen if you disappointed them? Do other people sometimes say “No” when you ask them to do something? How does that work for them? Did you stop liking them?
Maybe they won’t stop liking you; in fact, they might respect you for setting a boundary. I think that learning to set appropriate boundaries is part of our adult development journey. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes not. But it’s also a question of self-respect: are you taking care of yourself when you say “Yes” to something that you don’t want to do? As you know, if you do something you don’t want to do, you may resent it or resent the person who asked you to do it – and you may get upset with yourself for not setting a boundary.
This issue comes up frequently in my coaching; I help people think about the impact on them of not being true to themselves and what kind of boundaries they want to establish.
So, what do you need to do to take better care of yourself? What do you want to say “No” to? What do you want to say “Yes” to?
If this post resonates with you, please let me know.