When Facilitation Feels Hard: Learning From Tough Moments

Have you ever walked away from facilitating a learning program or a meeting feeling deflated or disappointed with yourself?

Don’t lose heart: It’s happened to the best of us. Self-doubt is part of this work, and every facilitator grows by reflecting and debriefing with trusted colleagues.

People often ask me to coach them – design future meetings or to debrief ones that didn’t go as well as they’d hoped.  I love helping them build their confidence in their facilitation – and in their ability to problem-solve in the moment.

Just this past week, two different facilitators reached out to debrief challenging sessions. Their experiences offer valuable lessons:

Scenario #1:  Defining success
One facilitator felt she hadn’t done a good job. But I was in that meeting – and I thought she had done an excellent job.

When there’s a mismatch between how the facilitators feels and what a participant experiences, I like to ask: What are your metrics of success?

Here’s what I saw:
·        Clear framing at the start
·        Active engagement and participation
·        Flexibility when the conversation shifted

TIPS: If you feel something “didn’t go well,” pause and ask:
·        What am I basing that on?
·        What did participants actually do or say?
·        Can I get feedback from someone who was in the room?

Notice how you feel when you think a session went “wrong.” That sensation is often just lack of confidence — not failure.

Scenario #2:  Aligning on learning objectives
In another session, the facilitator felt stuck and unsure how to hold the space. As a participant, I noticed why: competing objectives.

·  The subject-matter expert focused on content
·  The facilitator focused on process and engagement

Without alignment, the session felt confusing — for everyone.

TIPS: If things feels off, ask yourself:
·          Were the learning objectives clearly defined?
·          Did all key partners agree on them?
·          Were the objectives communicated to participants?

Clarity + alignment = a smoother experience for all. (conclusion)

Your turn:
Have you ever walked away from a facilitation feeling discouraged?
Who did you debrief with? What did you learn?

If you’d like support designing or debriefing a session — I’d love to help. Let’s talk.